Camp Nelson Fun

 We snuck away to Camp Nelson for 4 days and 3 nights. The kids ran and jumped and played the entire trip. They climbed hills and rocks and were covered in dirt and marshmallow.
A wonderful time was had by all!!

 Drew fishing with the kiddos

 My sweet boys.

 The Princess Ally.

 My lovely sis and her fab family.

 Gavey (the wild man)

 Me and My Men!

 The Cousins.

 Our Parker.

Shucking Corn!

Day of Escape

 Kelsey, Me and Jakey at Point Dume

 Jakey and Super K

 Super K and Me

At the campus sign!

Snuck away with my sweet Jake to his girlfriend Kelsey's school for the day!!
Energized me for days!

4th of July

 Me and My Boys

 Hubba-Hubba

 Mom watch me swing really high!!

 Ally, Cam, Alex, Zoe, Pook, Gav and Rea

 Gavey dissappeared after this...fireworks not his thing!

Sweet Pooka

This was by far one of the best 4ths in a long time!! Surrounded by family and good friends and tons of delicious food!! Really enjoyed all the kiddos (there were plenty) and spending time with my sis.

Let's Play Catch-Up

Protect The Dream

Well...my hubby has joined/formed a Rock Band and is working on being signed to a record label....this all started from a silly contest at the Porterville Fair.

Drew is an amazing singer and musician and their demo is out of control!

  Letting Go

First Class

I am trying not to completely freak out but the same thoughts keep coming back...this is his Dream...he has wanted this since he was a kid...Let's do this!!

Memorial Day 2011

My Sis

My hunny

My precious niece Emily

Auntie with all the girls

Sleeping Gavey

Cram the Man

For as long as I can recall, my family has gone the Sunday before Memorial Day to Exeter Cemetery then Porterville Cemetery to decorate family graves. My Grandpa Darris always insisted on bringing both plastic flowers and potted flowers. He also insisted on Sunday because then everyone would see our family had already been and decorated. Last year when we made the trip Grandpa had just left us a month before and it was very bittersweet without him. This year there were several unexpected obstacles in our way but we made it. I want my boys to understand why we have this tradition in our family and to have stories to tell of cousins and photos taken at "the graves."

Easter 2011

This pix was a miracle the boys weren't into it!

The boys and the Princess! They were coordinated to her dress this year!

 My sweet boys!

                                                                           Jake and Drew my faves!

                                                                   Jake and Joe                                                        

                                                 Sam, Al, Brea, Pooka, Gavey and Cam
                                                      Cousins waiting for the Egg Hunt!

                                             The Guys....

                                                             The Dickey Fam

                                                  My wonderful family plus cousin Brea

Harness and Dickey kiddos!

Gavey

Oh Gavin. My baby. My wild man. I rarely have a clue what Gavin is up to. Since the day he was born Gavin Carl Eugene Harness has done exactly what he wanted. He is always "up to" something. He tells stories about things he couldn't have possibly done but wants everyone to play along. He is the first to hug and in the next breath is ready to punch. He wants to do exactly what Cameron does but with his very own twist. Gavey makes everyone laugh. When he finally knocks out after a long day of work, he snuggles into me and I breath in deep his sweet baby-boy smell.

Cameron

My middle child. I know its not "cool" to label children, but it is what it is...Cameron my darling boy, loving, kind, energetic, funny, silly, intense, quick to laugh and quick to cry. Cameron is taking school by the horns and proving to be not only a superb student but also a good citizen. Friend to all. Cameron is on the go and then when he's done he curls up with his Mom and crashes. Many interesting posts will be made about Cameron I am sure.

Jake

This is my oldest son Jake. I tease he is my favorite. I think I feel that way sometimes because he is grown and because he makes me so proud. He knows what he wants a gets it. He is far and away cooler than I ever could have thought of being. He is intelligent and hilarious and opinionated and full of himself. I simply adore him and wait in anticipation of what comes next.

Betsy

My friend gave me a dog yesterday. Her name is Betsy and I have known her for many years. I wasn't sure about getting a dog. I worried it would be too much work and I really worried she wouldn't like the boys. As it turns out she may have been better for my mental health than a truckload of Xanax. She sits where I sit. She goes where I go. She wants me to rub and scratch her little belly and moves my hand with her paw to ensure that I hit the right spots. She tolerates the wild men. She sleeps on my pillow with me. Oh I am so glad she came to me.

Mom

As a part of my new blogging life I want to have some free therapy. So this blog will begin that...

On December 28, 2009, my Mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor. She had surgery and gean chemo and radiation. It seemed at first that she would make a full recovery because she did so well with the surgery. She fought hard. She had allergic reaction to the first round of chemo and ended up going with radiation. She lost her hair, she lost her energy but she never lost her sense of humor. She walked her dog every day she was able. In April another tumor and another surgery. This felt different but honestly I never once considered that she was terminal. Even when my step-dad mailed me literature saying it was not curable. I lived in a land of denial. I never once allowed myself to believe that she wouldn't kick cancer in the ass. I struggled with feelings of guilt because I wasn't there everyday caring for her. We spoke daily and I could hear how tired she was.  In November she became very ill from more chemo and got a serious infection that kept her hospitalized for three weeks. I went and spent a long weekend in the hospital with her. Helping her use the toilet and cleaning her. We watched White Christmas together and fell asleep holding hands. She was very weak. She couldn't get out of bed on her own. She went home but wasn't herself again. She came to Porterville on Christmas Eve to see the kids. She was in a wheelchair. She held each of the kids. I helped her change her clothes and use the toilet. She held me so tight. We cried. We never spoke about what was to come. I just never believed that it would really happen. Before she left we prayed. I secretly prayed that she would be healed. I begged. On December 27th my step-dad called hysterically and said we all needed to come. On December 28th, my sister and I left early and went to her. When we arrived she was in bed and didn't seem to know us. She was struggling to breathe and seemed to be in pain. My sister and I freaked. We called our brother and he and my son Jake headed out. I need to believe that my Mom knew we were there that day but I just don't know. She was in a lot of pain and was leaving. I climbed into bed with her and begged her to stay with me. I couldn't seem to think straight. Hospice came. They made her comfortable. My brother and Jake got there. We gathered around her bed and held hands and prayed. I begged her to wake up and not leave me. At around 6 her breathing slowed to almost nothing. My sister and I sat beside her holding her hands. I laid my head on her and cried. She died without a whimper. We were all around her. Her children. I couldn't understand what had happened. I didn't know what to do. I hid in the bathroom and rocked myself. When it was time to remove her body. I changed her clothing and put her in new pajamas. I washed her face and put lotion on her. She cared for me my entire life. Through everything. She was my best friend. She was my biggest fan. I loved her so much.
And now 3 months later and I don't know if I will ever be "alright" I don't know if I'm meant to. I am ill-equiped to deal with this kind of loss. My entire life when I have had any kind of problem, big or small. She was the one I turned to. The night before her Memorial I had a dream that she was holding my hand. I woke up and I could still feel her hand in mine. I tried to call out to my sister and my husband but all that came out was a sob. I have had several dreams like that and it takes days to recover. I try and stay positive. My Mom believed she was saved, she knew where she was going. I try and take comfort in that. I really do. I would be lying if I said I don't want her back because I do desperately. I wish I could have just one more moment, one more conversation, one more kiss, hug, smile.

I am so excited to enter the world of blogging. My oldest friend Poppy is a blogger and since she is always one or ten steps ahead of me in the coolness department here I come!!

I am sick to death of Facebook so hopefully this will give me a new outlet. I can't stand to read Facebook to find out that people are at Starbucks or on their way to the dentist..boring! I really need more...

So what to expect from me is lots of my thoughts....and tons of pix of my kiddos!!!